OK so for the last three months or better Ross' (who due to service) has really had to switch general roles with me because I'm the working schmuck now and he's at home.
For the boys ...I couldn't have asked for a happier situation. They have grown into the relationship with their dad beyond all of my hopes. Is it and has it been hard? Yes especially financially/ Belts are tightened here close to the point of razor's edge here. But we have been hoping ...and praying...and hoping..and waiting ..that there would be an answer.
And there was.
Ross starts with the Port Authority as law enforcement on Monday. What a relief and a blessing to us that Ross is hired to a place that he was looking forward to being employed by in light of today's economic woes. And you can see the potential progression in the field. It wasn't exactly exactly what we expected but then...who's driving the bus? You have to trust...and honestly therein lies my biggest struggle. My pride..my hard hard head..my expectations of the way things "should" be....gets in the way of what "is". I have a tough time...in fact impossible time living in the "what is"...I mouth the words but my mind is already on to the "what's next" or "what should be"...I may have been born completely devoid of a "what is" gland...I am "what is-deficient"...handicapped.
What does that cost me? Weelll part of the reason that I take so many damned pictures is so that I am reminded of "what is"...it's an effective reminder..one that I need frequently...like dialysis...I need to have a treatment or I go off a cliff mentally...so this is practice...
A good man...a good father..one that does banana bread and bean art...as well as the time honored tradition of pull my finger.. And "show me your muscles"...
Little feet in great big shoes.. And then there's the mugging...I've seen myself in so few f the pictures..I gotta get out from behind the camera..I'm getting pretty good at being persistent when handing Ross the camera.. "Grady..Where's your eye?" "Riiiight deeeeerrr" So key-ute you could just kiss him till he disappears.. Then there's the little middle...taking pictures of him is like trying to take pictures of someone locked in a moving car with a wasp... He wouldn't mimic me...so you can get him to smile by telling him not to tell me a secret... Ewwwwwww Deacon what smells?...don't tell mommy Deacon...don't tell her... Then he laughs himself into the hiccups...."Daaaa-hic Daaaaaaa-hiccup....Daaaaaaddy TOOOOTED!
Then there's my little archeologist... So serious sometimes... He's very in touch with his emotions though....this one here is thoughtful. And this one is "whine until your mom wants to stick a fork in her eye"...you probably recognize this one in your own house...And finally the little moments where we can all sit and BE together...where we're doing something fun....like vegging out with the laptops eating popcorn on the weekend..could life be any better in that moment...? What is....that's where I need to be...just practicing everyday to stay there... Now that's the hard part isn't it?
We get off the Mr. Mom road on Monday at the Two Jobs, Three Kids in Preschool Highway exit. Transitions are always a little bumpy at first but at least with two of us...should be less "Pack Mule Mommy" and more "We're Coming Right Back"...Less "Holy Shit" and more "Have Fun Boys"...Less "I shoulda, coulda, woulda" and more "What is".